It came out of nowhere...

Don't know why but suddenly there was this thought..

We all know the saying, that women always want to change a man.
And for some reason this made me think of:

• Man & woman are in love. Each one is perfect, nothing negative to say.
• Man/Woman tells the other: "If there's something that bothers you, tell me. No matter what." Reply: "I don't want to change you."

- Time has passed. -

• Woman finds something about her man that she doesn't like.
• Woman tries to change it without him noticing because she doesn't want to hurt him by telling.
• Man doesn't change.

- Time has passed. -

• Woman tells him to change whatever.
• Man tells woman to stop trying to change him and take him as he is.

- Time has passed. -

• Woman wants to leave man.
• Man says he will change for her.
• Man changes.

(Also possible the other way.)

What's the point of that?
We tell others to tell us when something's not right, don't we? But when they do, we get bitchy about that because we don't want to change. But in the end we mostly do.
Why do we even suddenly get problems with ways of behaving of other people we know for so long?

I know a couple whereby something like this once happened. I don't really know how this turned out in the end but it was just so stupid to me.
The girl was smoking (maybe still does) when she met her current boyfriend, but he wasn't bothered by that. Everything was fine and they came together and so on and so on. TWO YEARS later she came over to me for a talk and told me that her man asks her to stop smoking because it bothers him. And we both were like "what?" because he knew that before and spent the last 2 years with her as a smoker. So why was he suddenly bothered by that and gave her kind of an ultimatum? His answer to that was: "When you're newly enamoured of someone you can overlook things like that." ...
Really? I don't think so.
I mean okay, I have to admit that I never had a relationship for such a long time and also never had a problem with smoker/non smoker, but can you really overlook something like smoking?
Generally... I don't think that you overlook something more easily when you're newly in love than when you're in love for such a long time. Because isn't it that we are more superficial in the beginning? Before we even start to have real feelings? That's why we have to check out others, don't we? Or is it just me?
I, personally, made the experience that I'm rather bothered by little things at the start of something, than later when I got used to it.
For me, it only turns into a problem when it bothers me from the start and I can't manage to get used to it.

And when we talk about smoking.. how can you even overlook that? Either you're bothered by that or not. I couldn't struggle through 2 years by inhaling that smoke. It's not that you wake up one morning and it's not okay anymore.

But to stick with my example. I know that first she totally got bitchy about that because she couldn't perceive to now stop after 2 years but then made a compromise and said she will reduce it when he's over at her home. If she stopped in the end - I don't know.

I just don't understand that. We see things like that every day everywhere especially in relationships/marriages and that leads me to the question if people choose their partners nowadays too easily? Without thinking?
On the other hand: Am I too fussy? I can't even remember the last time I was in love. The problem is not that I don't get interested in guys, but after a while I find too many things I can't stand and can't help but thinking "Okay, next one please." because I'm not interested anymore.
Is that the healthier way? To avoid situations like above-mentioned? Or do I just have to deal with being with a guy that can make me freak out and what will end in thousands of arguments? Because if not I will stay single forever?

I know, you will say it's about compromises and blahblahblah.
Don't really want to hear that because if I can feel from the beginning that I have to make a lot of compromises, why should I even join the relationship? That already tells me he's not what I want, and I am not what he wants. Or rather that we're not what the other one needs.
Doesn't it?